I’m having a bad ROCD day, I am just filled with anxiety and guilt.
It’s days like this where it makes me feel like I’ve made no progress but need to remind myself it’s just a trip and I’ll get back up again.
I saw a pic of my ex and his girlfriend and I got that horrible, anxious, tight head feeling. And just to clarify, it’s nothing to do with it being a pic of him and his girlfriend I assure you. I keep getting thoughts such as , why am I feeling like this? I honestly think it is the fear that is doing it.
I did however do something I hadn’t in a long time, my ROCD got me to test the waters. I went on his social media and had a look. It was so weird! To me they were just pictures of him doing his own thing and that’s great. But my head feels tight and I feel guilty and I hate that I have ROCD I just want to cry. I need reassurance from somewhere but I’m determined not to get it. Even now my ROCD is wanting me to type things because it will make me feel better, when I know full well it won’t. I just feel so weak and helpless at times like this, and I’ve turned to this blog to get it all out.
I hate ROCD with a passion, and I can believe myself day and in and day out what I actually know and how I actually feel but my obsessive thoughts are just getting in the way.
It’s honestly making me hate myself for being like this. I love my boyfriend more than anything and he makes me the happiest I can be and it KILLS me that I have ROCD it KILLS ME.
I’m trying, I really am.
With love xox